The truth you know vs. the truth you feel

Why do insecure people believe things they know not to be true? Why do they listen to that nasty voice in their head telling them they’re not good enough?

These questions are just some I’m digging into as I’m on the fast track to middle age.

Recently I shared one of my greatest paradoxes with my wife when I told her I think it’s fair to say that, when considering where I started in life, I’ve been objectively successful. Yet I can’t help feeling mediocre, partly because I feel I could have (and should have) done better at this point.

So why haven’t I done better? Because I’ve listened too much to that damn voice in my head telling me I’m not good enough. (What a bitch of a self-fulfilling prophecy!)

How strange that you can know something to be true yet not feel it to be true. And how terrible the damage when that misalignment makes it harder for you to be your best self, both for yourself and for those around you (especially those who depend on you).

So what’s the answer?

I genuinely don’t know.

The last few decades have proven that positive affirmations aren’t enough. We need more than simply looking into a mirror and saying I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. But that’s not to say there’s no value in the act. Maybe it’s only the first step.

To fake it until you make it, you must make it at some point. Otherwise, you’re only faking. Lasting self esteem doesn’t come from words–it comes from doing. You must do something worth being proud of. The doing becomes the proof.

But how easily we forget our accomplishments. So maybe you should document. Your personal brag file is a great place to keep these wins. This process is your personal record. The record can be private; it need be nothing more than a simple text file. No need for special formatting. Plain text will do just fine.

NOTE: I also recommend keeping a brag file of your professional accomplishments for work. The brag file is a great resource to have when it’s time for annual reviews so that you don’t have to remember all the awesome stuff you did over the last year.

If you’re feeling bold, maybe you’ll make the record public in the form of a blog post or a memoir. Just be prepared to be labeled a self-congratulatory, self-centered jerk. Maybe you know it’s untrue, but someone else’s accusation may make you feel it’s true.

At the end of the day, maybe we have to ask ourselves which is worse: the judgment of someone who doesn’t know us or the judgment of the voice we can never escape.