Remember That You Must Die
For Christmas, I asked my wife for a pendant, an unusual request for a couple reasons. For one, I don’t wear much in the way of jewelry or accessories, aside from my wedding band and my eyeglasses. And then there’s the matter of the pendant’s inscription: Memento Mori, a staple of Stoic philosophy.
Or: Remember that you must die. Not exactly the most feel-good phrase on the surface. But I requested the pendant because I do find the words inspiring.
I’ve been on an interesting journey navigating through grief since losing both of my parents back in 2011. Much of that journey involved coming to terms with mortality. Sure, before 2011, I knew that no one lived forever. I had seen other people such as grandparents slide into that great unknown. But my parents’ being so young–in their early fifties–forced me to accept the inevitability and unpredictability of death.
Remember that you must die.
How is accepting that you must die different from knowing that you must die? Accepting means you no longer try to deny it or fight it. You simply allow it to be. To accept may sound like a passive act, but believe me, to do so can require action. And lots of tears.
I’ve spent the last decade navigating different flavors of grief. In one, I miss someone who was my rock more than I had to that point realized, and without whom I had to learn to fortify myself–
Remember that you must die.
–and in another, much was left unsaid, so much pain and confusion circling around two words: What if?
Remember that you must die.
And now, as I often find myself wondering how many days I have left–
Remember that you must die.
–and I hope I don’t look back on my life with regret–
Remember that you must die.
–and when I reflect on the fact that I am now a parent and wonder how much today’s actions may influence the grief they will experience after my passing–
Remember that you must die.
–and when I think about what I want to accomplish, while accepting that I don’t have the time or the capability for it all–
Remember that you must die.
–those five words echo in my mind. That’s why I now wear Memento Mori near my heart: for the hope that I will never forget.
