Where Do We Go From Here

Where do we go from here…

There may be many times in life when we find ourselves asking this question or some variation of it. Though I believe that most advice is not universal because there always seems to be a situation that requires a different strategy, I have found that if you find yourself asking this question, the answer is usually Forward. Of course, forward may mean different things in different scenarios; it is up to the distressed person to figure that out for himself.

But Jake, you’re speaking very generally here. What the hell are you trying to say?

Okay, okay — you’re right. I’ll get to the point.

I’m typing this post two days after my mother’s death, which came about six weeks after my father’s death. If I were to tell you that 2011 has been a tough year for me personally, I think you will understand. And it isn’t even over yet.

My mother was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer around Easter time, and for seven months she put up one hell of a fight. I’ve never known anyone who endured what she went through; four months before she died, she actually stopped breathing for a few minutes and suffered brain damage because of it. At that point, we all felt that she would leave us at any moment, but she found the strength to hold on until just past Thanksgiving. As much as I miss her, I am glad that she is no longer suffering and has found peace.

My father, on the other hand, left the world in a faster and more shocking fashion. He had been diagnosed only three weeks before his death. Though I wish we all could have had more time with him, I am glad that he did not go through the things that my mother did.

I have no idea what lies ahead for me. That statement is very broad and I intend for it to be very broad. 2011 has been a year of introspection and reflection. There is no teacher like experience, and I have seen firsthand that we have no way of knowing what is ahead of us. We expect to bury our parents some day, but I never expected to do it while we were all so young — and I never expected to lose them both so close together.

And yet again I find myself being reminded of just how precious time is, especially when I think about my cousin Patrick. Unfortunately, Patrick and I were not as close as we were as kids, but at the time of his death earlier this year, he was only 27 years old. I am only 26 years old, and I have found myself asking What if I have only one year left? Or if I want to be more generous and compare myself to my mother, What if I have only 26 years left?

And then I think of my own health and future; as you can tell, cancer is not a stranger to my family, and I can’t help wondering if it’s waiting for me somewhere around the corner.

Okay, Jake, we get your point, but…what exactly is your point?

And so I ask again:

Where do we go from here…

We go forward, wherever that may lead us. I’ve already revealed a few fears to you, and while some people may think that those are reasons to sit around idle and afraid, I argue that they are actually reasons to make the most of today and whatever tomorrow we may have.

I guess I forgot to mention my good friend who lost his dad to prostate cancer a few months ago as well. He told me about his dad saying something along the lines of: “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I still had so much I wanted to do.”

My own mother told me that she wanted to visit Ontario again with my stepdad (they had planned to go this summer but never made it due to her diagnosis). And then she told me that there were many other places she wanted to see in her life. But she thought she had more time. Unfortunately, that is a misperception that many of us have.

My father always wanted to see Alaska. He and my stepmother had reservations for an Alaskan cruise but were also unable to make it.

Of course, you can never leave the past behind and I know that I will think of my parents often. I  hope that everyone who loved them keeps close in their hearts, but I also hope that everyone moves forward. Life is too short to do otherwise. If nothing else, we should move forward for those who are no longer able to do so.