Why Haven’t You Befriended A Devil’s Advocate?

I would like to dedicate this post to Melissa Cooley. You may know her on Twitter as @TheJobQuest. Although I would not label Melissa a devil’s advocate, she is someone who sometimes disagrees with what I blog about, but she does so in a way that offers insight and adds value to the conversation. I treasure her comments and truly wish that she would disagree with me more often.

How often do you analyze your friendships and relationships? Do you ever sit back and ask yourself why you’re friends with a certain person? There may be instances when you can’t exactly put your finger on it, but chances are there are also times when you know exactly why you’re friends.

Maybe you work together. Or you share the same political or religious views. You like the same arts and entertainment. You’re both dog lovers. Or dog haters.

There are so many ways in which people can connect with each other. And often, when we connect with someone, it’s due to similar interests.

How often do you befriend someone who often disagrees with you? How often do you befriend someone who challenges everything you believe, someone who’s willing to challenge the world as you know it, even if he does so only with words? Do you openly allow others to contest your assumptions?

Some people choose to challenge messages even though they agree with them. They like to take the other side, just to see what kind of conversation can stir up. You may know these people as devil’s advocates.

Some of us shy away from devil’s advocates. Why? One reason may be that we simply don’t like to be challenged. After all, most of us surround ourselves with like-minded people. People who believe the same. People who won’t cause any friction. People who are less likely to piss us off. If this reminds you of yourself, you likely don’t have many devil’s advocates that you call “friend”.

Another reason we may avoid devil’s advocates is because sometimes they have good points. Sometimes they expose the weaknesses in our ideas or plans and reveal what they truly are — underdeveloped and doomed to fail. Many of us see this scenario as a threat, rather than seeing the positive in this situation. If your devil’s advocate has shown the weakness in your idea or plan, chances are that someone else will see the weakness as well. And then another person will. And another, until virtually everyone sees it and refuses to accept whatever it is you’re trying to sell or change.

Also, a devil’s advocate who is willing to look at the other side of an argument can show you angles and points of view that you never imagined. And people who share your worldview and agree with everything you say are not very likely to see these angles either.

Of course, there’s a civil way to go about disagreeing. Yelling and cursing and name-calling is not the most effective way to get a message across. But if you can find someone who can calmly debate with you, I see no harm in befriending him. In fact, I see a great opportunity. I see benefit.

Tagged as: arguing, debate, disagreement